Barry Bonds, Mike Trout, Pablo Sanchez.
Anyone who grew up in my generation will know that these are the three best baseball players of our time. Growing up, Bonds was hitting home runs at incredible rates, shattering records and almost never chasing a pitch out of the zone. His offensive numbers, especially in the 2004 season, are incredible. That year, he walked 232 times (120 intentional, 112 unintentional) while striking out on just 41 occasions. He also hit 45 homers and 27 doubles, posting a mind-blowing OPS of 1.422.
Just how good is that?
You could go 2-for-5 every day with a triple and a homer, and you’d still have a lower OPS than Bonds did in 2004.
Mike Trout, meanwhile, has effectively broken Fangraphs. In 2012, his rookie season, the site measured him at 10.1 wins above replacement. In 2013, he was worth 10.2. He posted a 9.7 WAR in 2016 and 9.8 in 2018 despite playing just 140 games. The Angels didn’t make the playoffs in any of those years.
But how about Pablo Sanchez?
Anyone who grew up playing any of the games in the Backyard Baseball series, or any game in the Backyard Sports franchise for that matter, knew that Pablo was pretty much the best athlete across the board in everything (technically Vicki Kawaguchi is better at basketball, and I believe Achmed Khan is a better hitter, but Pablo’s the best all-around baseball player for sure). The quiet kid who spoke Spanish and was known for his belly button and backwards hat was the kid you had to have on your team.
In the 11th game of my Backyard Baseball 2003 season with the Humongous Melonheads, he was waiting for us on the other side. Pablo batted third and played first base for the Crazy Fishes, and like any smart manager, I was dead-set on not letting him be the one to beat us.
That meant Pablo would get the Bonds treatment. Come up with a runner on and he was getting an intentional walk. First base didn’t even have to be open. We were just going to throw four balls and let him go down to first, as the idea of an intentional walk without actually throwing the pitches hadn’t been conceived in 2003.
What followed turned out to be one of the most fun games of the season, and one of the most exciting I’ve played on Backyard Baseball in a long time.
Our first encounter with Pablo came in the bottom of the first, and with two outs and the bases empty, we got to pitch to him.
His idiot manager called for a bunt.
Yes, Pablo’s fast as hell, and bunting could get him on base, but what’s the point? You don’t use laptops as placemats. Sure, they’d serve the purpose, but they can be useful for so much more.
Starting pitcher Lisa Crocket threw to first and retired Pablo with ease. A disappointment to say the least.
He’d bat again in the bottom of the third with his team trailing 2-0. The Melonheads took the lead in the top half of the inning on a Reese Worthington single, Ricky Johnson infield hit and an RBI double from Maria Luna, whose offensive stats were boosted like crazy. Lisa would strike out at the end of an excellent 11-pitch battle, but an error on shortstop Brenda Markart would let Jocinda Smith reach and load the bases. With two outs, Ashley Webber singled in a second run.
Pablo came up with Susan Gore, whose stats and skillset mirrored Ichiro, standing on first after a two-out single. Even without the base open, there was no point in pitching to him. Susan stole second on the second intentional ball, which really didn’t matter as she was going to end up there anyway. Pablo ended up getting the free pass, as planned, and Markart grounded into a force out to end the inning.
Before Pablo would bat again the bottom of the fifth, the ‘Heads would double their lead as Ricky singled and Maria blasted a triple to center. Lisa followed with a sharp single to left to make it 4-0 in the fourth, but the Fishes (5-6) would get a run back before Pablo would even bat as Gore hit an inside-the-park homer to right-center.
What, why are you looking at me like that? She literally has the same stats as Ichiro. 10/10 speed. Like you’d do any better.
Pablo then followed with a liner past Reese in left, and he’d end up with a triple of his own. Ashley made a poor relay throw and he broke for home, but she recovered and managed to start a rundown that ultimately led to the Secret Weapon getting tagged out to end the inning with the Fishes still down 4-1.
Playing first base, Sanchez would turn an unassisted double play on a liner in the top of the sixth, and a solo homer by Jose Meisenheimer (undoubtedly one of the best names in the game) cut it to 4-2 in the bottom of the inning. The Melonheads would pad the lead in the eighth, partially thanks to Pablo’s defense. Stupidly forced to play first base despite being one of the shortest players in the game, he’d make an error that put two runners on with no outs, and they’d both score on singles by Billy Jean Blackwood and Ashley.
Those runs came in clutch right away. Gore reached on a Worthington error, going all the way to third before he could get the ball back to the infield. Pablo, of course, was intentionally walked again.
Remember that double play Pablo had turned in the sixth? The Fishes still hadn’t used their power-up yet. With two runners on in the eighth, they finally would. It was the exceptionally annoying Crazy Bunt, and both Gore and Sanchez would score as Markart used the bunt but got thrown out trying to stretch it into a double. A perfectly acceptable situation to trade two runs for an out, truthfully. With the speed of both those runners, they were probably going to score one way or another.
We weren’t out of the woods, though. Karen Donato would single, and after Johnson replaced Crocket on the mound, Meisenheimer would use another Crazy Bunt for a single of his own. Fortunately, he’s one of the slowest players in the game. If he had any speed, the tying run would have been in scoring position with just one out in the eighth.
Slick Rick, still riding high from the homer he hit in the prior game, was able to get out of it without breaking a sweat. He froze Chandler Huggins with a Left Hook on the low outside corner, then caught a Rose Fleugel comebacker to end the inning with a two-run lead.
With Pablo due up fourth in the ninth, the hope was that we wouldn’t have to face him again. After failing to capitalize on two hits in the top half of the inning, Gretchen Hasselhoff would come on for the save, and she’d get Heidi Thurman to ground out and struck out Tom Glass. That brought up Gore, and she’d hit a liner to second … but Webber couldn’t catch it. She went all the way to third. Fortunately, her run wouldn’t matter.
Unfortunately, it did mean that Pablo would come up again, representing the tying run.
No way in hell we were pitching to him.
So up came Brenda Markart with the tying run on first. She hit a pop-up and Gretchen … dropped it. Pablo made it to third.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
Tying run at third, winning run on first, and it all came down to Karen Donato, who had two hits on the day, including a double.
She swung at the first pitch and hit a comebacker; Gretchen threw it to first. Crisis averted. Class dismissed.
WP: Lisa Crocket (4-2) LP: Tom Glass (2-2) SV: Gretchen Hasselhoff (3)
The Humongous Melonheads are now 7-4, but the 10-1 Seattle Mariners await in the next game.
Sadly, my unbeaten run ended on Backyard Soccer 2004. Playing in the Off The Wall Indoor Tournament, we started with a 3-0 win over the Hat Tricksters despite 15 saves by Timmy Unger. We scored six in the first half for a convincing 7-0 semifinal win over the Scrambling Egg-Headers, but couldn’t replicate the offensive firepower in the final against the Turf Mowers. We’d force penalty kicks with a last-second Kimmy Eckman equalizer but lost in PKs, converting just one of our four attempts. Any frustration from that loss would quickly be directed to the MetroStars, who felt our wrath in a 4-1 loss as a boosted Dmitri Petrovich posted a hat trick by the power of … steroids? Nugenix? Who knows.
Join us next time on Twitch for more Backyard Sports fun!
Comments